Why Your Inner Critic Is So Loud (And How Therapy Helps You Change the Script)

Most people have an inner critic—the internal voice that evaluates, judges, warns, and occasionally scolds. For some, it’s a quiet background hum. For others, especially high performers, it can be loud, relentless, and exhausting.

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I should be doing more,” “That wasn’t good enough,” or “Why can’t I get this right?” you’re not alone. This article explores why the inner critic develops, why it tends to shout the loudest in capable, intelligent people, and how therapy can help you transform that voice from a harsh judge into a wise, supportive guide.

What The Inner Critic Actually Is

The inner critic isn’t a flaw—it’s a psychological protector. It evolved to keep you safe, connected, and accepted. For many people, it developed in childhood or adolescence as a way of preventing embarrassment, failure, rejection, or shame.

Its logic often sounds like:

– “If I’m harder on myself, I’ll never slip up.”

– “If I stay alert, I won’t get hurt.”

– “If I push myself, people won’t be disappointed in me.”

It tries to help, but its methods are outdated—like an operating system that hasn’t been upgraded since 1997. Useful once, but clunky and sometimes brutal now.

Therapy helps update that old software.

Why High Achievers Have Especially Loud Inner Critics

Many high-functioning people—professionals, business owners, creatives, lawyers, academics—live with a critic that is unusually sharp and persistent. This isn’t because anything is wrong with them. It’s because:

1. They’ve succeeded by being hard on themselves

Self-criticism often masquerades as motivation. And since it “worked” for a while, the brain keeps using it.

2. They learned early to over-function

Perhaps they were the responsible one, the achiever, the caretaker, or the peacekeeper in their family.

3. Praise was tied to performance

When love or approval was linked to achievement, the critic becomes the internal taskmaster.

4. They think in big-picture, complex ways

Intelligent, thoughtful adults tend to analyse deeply—which is a superpower until it flips into self-surveillance.

The critic is loud not because you’re broken, but because you learned to survive by being vigilant.

How The Inner Critic Affects Daily Life

People often underestimate how much the critic shapes behaviour. It can show up as:

– overthinking or replaying conversations

– struggling to rest or switch off

– perfectionism or procrastination

– decision paralysis

– chronic guilt

– fear of disappointing others

– difficulty celebrating achievements

– feeling “never enough”

And here’s an interesting psychological twist: the more competent someone is, the more they tend to notice mistakes. High insight can accidentally fuel high self-criticism.

What’s Going On In The Brain And Nervous System

From a neuroscience perspective, the inner critic is often linked to protective neural circuits shaped by past experiences. When life feels uncertain or overwhelming, these circuits activate to keep you safe—even if their strategy is outdated.

Common underlying mechanisms include:

– hypervigilance in the nervous system

– “threat-first” perception

– old schemas like “I’m not enough” or “I have to get it right”

– internalised voices from parents, teachers, or past relationships

Therapy helps shift these circuits from threat-based reactivity to emotional safety and self-support.

How Therapy Helps Transform The Inner Critic

This is where therapy shines. Not because it silences the critic, but because it helps you change how you relate to it.

Here’s what that looks like:

1. Understanding the critic’s origins

You explore where the voice came from and what it was trying to protect you from.

2. Separating old patterns from present reality

You begin to see that the conditions that created the critic no longer apply.

3. Softening the critic through compassion and emotional processing

When the nervous system feels safe, the critic naturally quietens.

4. Building an “inner coach” or “inner friend”

This is the voice that is supportive, wise, and grounding—and can replace the inner critic.

5. Developing new behavioural responses

As the critic loses power, you start showing up differently in your relationships, work, and daily life.

This isn’t positive thinking. It’s deep psychological restructuring.

What An Inner Friend Sounds Like

People often ask what the “inner friend” sounds like. It’s usually more grounded, more spacious, and more aligned with who you truly are.

It might say things like:

– “That was difficult, and you handled it well.”

– “You deserve rest.”

– “It’s okay to take this one step at a time.”

– “You’re doing enough.”

It’s a voice that expands your life rather than constricting it.

Signs The Inner Critic Is Beginning To Change

Common shifts include:

– relaxing your shoulders without realising

– less rumination

– fewer “shoulds”

– increased confidence

– improved boundaries

– being able to pause before reacting

– more self-respect in decisions

– feeling more like yourself

This transformation is subtle at first, and then one day you catch yourself responding with kindness instead of criticism. That moment is gold.

Final Thought

Your inner critic was built to protect you, but it doesn’t have to run the show. Therapy helps you understand the voice, soften its impact, and create space for a wiser, kinder inner companion.

You don’t have to earn rest, worth, or belonging. They’re already yours.

If your inner critic has been loud lately, it may be a sign you’re ready for a different relationship with yourself.